Jurassic World: Rebirth (1 star out of 4)
We’re seven films into the Jurassic Park/World franchise, and the filmmakers still don’t have any new ideas. “Jurassic World: Rebirth” feels like an excuse to make money without trying, and it deserves to join the fossil record as quickly as possible.
You know things are looking bad when during the opening flashback, a Snickers wrapper can blow up a vent and somehow bring a high-end dinosaur containment facility to its knees. (And yes, the filmmakers make sure we clearly see that it is a Snickers bar). You can argue that the sequence follows a traditional cold open pattern established with the raptor incident from 1993’s first film, but what comes next should assure audiences that Jurassic’s new boss is the same as its old boss.
Fast-forward to the present day, and dinosaurs have been back for over thirty years, but people just don’t care anymore. That sentiment is meta enough, but “Rebirth” isn’t through making excuses. Due to Earth’s various climate issues, the dinosaurs around the world have been dying out, and are only able to survive on a small number of islands near the planet’s equator.
Translation: instead of explore the dramatic possibilities of ancient dinosaurs living alongside modern humans in the 21st century, we’re going to isolate the action to a small island or sanctuary for logistical and financial purposes. Again.
What follows feels like swapping new parts into an old car. Gone are the casts from the first two trilogies; now we get Scarlett Johansson leading a team of mercenaries on an illegal expedition to get dinosaur blood samples that supposedly hold the cure to heart disease. For good measure, a family of pleasure-boaters gets thrown into the mix so we can have a kid available to rehash the kitchen scene from the first movie (this time in a grocery store on the island).
“Rehash” would have made a better title than “Rebirth,” and that fact that this “new” film features Johansson and “Rogue One” director Gareth Edwards just sets up viewers for a more substantial disappointment. Early in the movie Johansson’s character rejects the mission until the bad guy promises an eight-figure payday, and you wonder if a similar scene played out for the actress in real life.
That being said, “Rebirth” isn’t entirely without merit. Its effects are spectacular to watch, and some sequences like a vertigo-inducing rappelling sequence help to justify the effort to see Edwards’ film in a theater. But for every good bit there are three additional reasons to kick this one to the curb.
As has been the case with the recent films, “Rebirth” has too many characters to follow, and almost all of them are unlikable. That would be forgivable if “Rebirth” worked through its cast like a slasher horror film, but sadly that isn’t the case. If it isn’t consciously reminding us of scenes from better Jurassic movies, it’s unintentionally reminding us of better films in the genre; in fact, the entire first half of the movie feels more like a poor-man’s “Jaws.”
As mentioned before, the movie takes great pains to point out that the audiences in its world—and by extension, ours—have grown tired of a subject that doesn’t inspire the same sense of wonder. But instead of address that issue effectively, with an imaginative premise, compelling characters, or good writing, “Jurassic World: Rebirth” just tries to do the same thing as its predecessors: come up with slightly scarier versions of the dinosaurs, stick them in a fishbowl with a group of humans, and call it good.
Some may argue that this is just a summer blockbuster, and if it delivers a few thrills and a bit of spectacle, there’s nothing wrong with turning off your brain for two hours and having some fun. But be honest: go back and watch the original “Jurassic Park,” and remember just how good it was. No one was turning off their brain for that one. “Jurassic World: Rebirth” is nothing but a Temu knock-off, and customers should return this one to the manufacturer as soon as possible.
“Jurassic World: Rebirth” is rated PG-13 for sequences of violence, including some gore.